Sunday 30 December 2012

Online Dating 101

I've spent the past four months not being single. Great entry line for a singles blog.

Four months prior I used an online dating website to meet guys. I figured it would be a great way to filter out what I want to find in someone AND that I'm not meeting them drunk. Thinking back now, I find this to be useless. The guy I met did not indicate he fathered a dog in a custodial type battle with his ex. I've heard that sharing dogs with exes is the new trend. I had tried to be understanding since I love my dog but after three months of dating and I had finally pulled the courage to ask him to meet my friends he declined because he couldn't leave his dog alone at night --- this is a clear red flag and something that was definitely left out of his profile.

Be wary of professions! Entrepreneurs are great once they've established their companies for a couple years but the first few are rough and they should not be scouting to date if they can't keep it together. I guess this note is especially for me since I am overly empathetic. I had gone through a series of personal events that could have put me down but they didn't entirely. I'm the type of person that believes your mental sanity/ perspective of life affects your mood so under stress I remind myself that:
1) there are worse problems in the world right now
2) no one is dying
3) I can be happy if I want to be - so breathe
Usually this helps to calm me down. But in this case it wasn't me that was stressed it was the guy I was dating. So I took it upon myself to try and cheer him up. I did this by taking him out, paying for dates, being the one to suggest when to see each other - I literally forced myself to expect nothing from him besides his company and towards the end I realized that even this was so hard for him to give me. So heed the warning and do not date an entrepreneur within the first few years of establishing his business.

I wish that he had indicated the importance of both of his babies (dog & company) on his profile because clearly there is no room for anyone else. While qualities of being a dog lover and a hardworking entrepreneur are something that I find attractive once taken to the extreme, where I obviously have to fight for his time and attention, becomes an uphill battle. Initially there were a couple indicators that hinted at these extreme qualities but since I am very understanding and am such a newbie at dating I thought that I was the one that needed to adjust my perspective.

He also put up some photos from a couple of years ago so while I was not solely attracted to him because of his photos it did take a bit of adjusting mentally when I had met up with him.

Overall, I guess the website was great - I did end up dating him for several months, I can maybe even say I was almost falling for him. He was a good guy and I do understand that the stresses of establishing a company can change a person, his dog was also very cute. It all just seemed complicated for me and in the end I felt I had done all the adjusting and he didn't have the time or energy to date me (he said these exact words-- maybe he wasn't such a good guy?).

So now I am back in the single lane, just in time for the new year.





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